He Still Calls to Me

N tells me to come to him in the stairwell at the hotel near my office. We have been texting all morning. I'm already wet and wanting.

He tells me it's his turn to taste me, no matter what I want.

He does force me on my back, my legs in the air, my jeans around my knees as he licks me. I ask him to fuck me. He asks me if I want that. I say yes. He says too bad, it's his taste today.

He licks me well, but not to the point of coming. He does slide inside me for a few strokes. It only makes me want him more.

He intends to tease us both but comes in my mouth quickly.

Then he sends me on my way, back to work, with my clit throbbing and my panties soaked.

watching

i watched him walk across the room to her. as he slid up behind her he snaked an arm across her waist.

for a moment her body simply vibrated with yearning. then she closed her eyes and slightly tilted her head so that he could whisper in her ear and lay a soft kiss on her neck.

desired flamed.

quote of the day

"it's not every day you see a pretty girl carrying jumper cables"

this said to me by a man holding the door into my building. i had fetched the jumper cables because one co-worker was going to go jump another co-worker's car that had died while she was at the post office.

little comments like that can make anyone's day.

dreams

i have a lot of sexual dreams. i enjoy them. i don't think they are unusual in any respect. sometimes they end in fulfillment in the dream, sometimes i actually wake up having an orgasm and sometimes the dreams are frustrating dreams because i can't seem to have the situation work out like i want in order to have sex (which can happen in real life).

well, i tend to let N know when he stars in these dreams. flattering right?

apparently not to him. today he says he feels it's "definitely weird" and a "little scary" that i have sexual dreams about him.

this hurt my feelings a little. i know they don't need to be hurt and i have no need to be offended, they are my own dreams after all, but i think my pregnancy hormones are going wacky cause i almost teared up when he said that.

i figured if i wrote it down and shared i'd feel better about it, and i do. and i know i am being touchy for no reason. and i refuse to think or feel that i am unusual in anyway. bring on the sexual dreams any night!

liberating

it is with glee, and a little bit of amusement, that i tell you that i have gained 10 pounds. why tell you this? because i find it to be freeing to admit. to let go of the shackles of society and say it.

admittedly, i do have a reason for gaining such weight. i am carrying my man's spawn. however, lest this make you roll your eyes and say "no wonder," it hasn't been easy. while i am currently 19 weeks along, at my vertically challenged height of 4'9", until this week i have in fact just looked chunky. as if i had stopped working out, stopped eating right and said the hell with it all.

i have always been someone who is fit. by no means a model type body, but i have an hourglass figure and work to keep muscle tone and my belly flat. i jog, take spin class, practice yoga and lift weights. i'm not obsessed with it; i do it for my health and because it makes me feel good.

so with all that, i have still found it challenging to gracefully add on the weight. especially mentally. some of you that may know some of my story are aware that B (who used to be in my life) always made me feel that my body wasn't good enough, in shape enough, etc.

of course, then i have N who sends me a text message saying: don't be a retard about weight, it's belly. it's all sexy.

and my Other, who lives with me day in and day out, putting up with the changes of my body, thinks that my butt is fabulous no matter what! he likes it a bit round and full.

so i'm letting my belly hang out. not worrying about trying to hide this bulging bump that looks more like i have gotten fat rather than a baby bump. it's liberating to not have to suck in my abdomen, to not squeeze into tight pants. here's to every woman who has had, is having, or thinks about having a baby.

and yes, i will take that second piece of cheesecake please.

dessert

i think of him all the time. i dream of sex with him. i can sometimes taste and smell him just from sitting and thinking of him.

i know what his body will look like as i take his clothes off, and yet, i discover something new each time. the freckle just there, the whorls of hair on his chest, the birthmark on his ankle i tend to forget that he has.

i love to indulge in dessert for the sheer sensual pleasure of it. he is like that to me. i want to eat dessert much more often than i do and if i could have him every day i know that i would. but, just like dessert, that would not be good for me either.

the things men do

so yesterday, less than 4 hours after he has left my warm and sated body, i get this text message:

"it is odd. i just jerked off."

i wanted to laugh and scratch my head at the same time. here i was thinking we had just had really great sex in about every position and way you can have it and he needs to go home and jerk off?

don't get me wrong, i completely understand the allure of the solo orgasm. sometimes you just need one and don't want to deal with another person or need a quick fix. but not usually after a marathon session of great sex.

had a moment of feeling inadequate but i got over it. i know we both had a good time and he is a horny man in general.

men, or women, any insights?